How about this?

This evening, like most evenings, the rain was flooding my city with full force. I’ve been staying at home for a month. I spent most of the time contemplating my life decision and of course thinking about her. My activity during the quarantine time doesn’t even feel different from my daily basis for these past 4-years. I just can’t imagine reaching a state of delusion and denial where someone like me would think it’s a remotely mediocre idea to spend any amount of time learning a dance sequence to a song called “Savage” with my parents. So I’m still doing the same thing I do every day. Waiting for her reply (It’s been 2-years babe come on I want to see our daughter).

But, today is different. I’m sitting in my room and gazing at the rain through my window with a cup of coffee on the table. I heard a rare sound and it came from my phone’s, one-note bell sounds, It is my notification sounds. I just sceptically move my eyes and peek it. I thought it is just the same DM’s I get every day from my friend who sent me an unfunny video about local boy preaching us about his toxic relationship. But, more I focused on the notification text. I realized something different. Like a thunderstruck, the most popular drummer in Indonesia sent me a challenge for a debate with him. This happened because I made a story that included his Instagram post.

With a lot of enthusiasm, I asked for reliable data and fact about the business scheme that happened right now. Just like most girls I talked to, a quick tease at first 5 minutes and completely boring for the rest of it. He sent me a link to John F Kennedy’s son that talking about Bill Gates agenda on selling vaccine with one citation from 2017 study about a vaccine that used in Africa and rope wiring it with today’s pandemic. I never said that it didn’t make sense. But, making a comparison between people who aren’t buying this theory with a blatantly racist Islamophobe who think that 911 — is Muslim agenda is something I don’t understand.

It’s been 19-years since the tragedy. Thousands of trusted data and theories are spreading around the internet. But for this case, was it really necessary to call a conspiracy theory as a threat instead of the virus itself?

Of course, I’m sceptical about this. First, it is not necessary to believe it yet and second, the lack of evidence (since I believe the theory is still going). I’ve been reading the article carefully and yes it does make sense. But, but the difference is I don’t espouse a conspiracy theory and take it on as a real representation of reality because it’s just, in fact, creating a new reality tunnel for yourself if you’re buying it right now. It’s possible to immerse yourself in a mindset of connected dots and “the fuck is going on” narratives to the point where you find yourself in a state of oligarchy government who like to hide something behind you.

Beyond of any intention to interrupt your message to reminding people for concerned about the agenda that you already believe it happens, back to my question. Was it really necessary to put this right now during people confusion to face the pandemic?

“Choose your battles wisely …”

I don’t know who originally said it — probably a medieval century poet who ended up dying of the common flu two days later during the war — but it’s the mantra I’ve been living by for most of my adult years (I’m 16 years old). Whether I was deciding which stay-at-home mom to anonymously torment on loud-mouth douchebag at the campus, it helped shape me into the unsuccessful nobody I am today. It’s the same line of thinking that prompted me to strategically pick feuds with Kimcil from Kartasura and anime weeaboo from my nearest Pondok Pesantren. Feuds I knew that, statistically, I had a 0% chance of losing.

So, I rather write this than spending an extended period of time to argue about something that we will never agree and avoided a chance to get beaten by him.

He’s called me stupid for not buying his thing, but for me. It’s not me being sceptical or acting like a bigot. I just don’t like to create my reality tunnel and prescription of gamble during this hard time.

Our perceptions are “gambles” in that they are essentially removed from objective reality, and furthermore in that, they run the risk of being terribly ineffective or even disastrously inaccurate.

“They just have a different reality tunnel, and every reality tunnel might tell us something interesting about our world, if we are willing to listen.”

— Robert Anton Wilson

It’s normal for creating your own reality tunnel. Everyone’s a conspiracy theorist whether they know it or not. The difference is the act of dealing with it.

We believe what we see and then we believe our interpretation of it, we don’t even know we are interpreting most of the time. We think that this is reality. But with a lack of reliable data and just connecting the dots between things and things — same as cocokologi way of thinking. So there is no vantage point from which real reality can be seen, we are all looking from the point of our reality tunnels. And when we begin to realize that we are all looking from our reality tunnels, we find it is much easier to understand where other people are coming from. Or, the ones who don’t have the same reality tunnels as we do not seem ignorant or deliberately perverse or lying or hypnotized by some mad ideology.

Does the theory wrong? Not yet. But does it necessary to think that it’s true right now? Ummmmm….. I believe that a healthy mind possesses a meta-awareness of itself as one subjective window through which to view the world. And when we cultivate this awareness, it becomes easier to look more closely at the views of others — to try on their reality tunnels — and to empathize with their way of seeing. Each person creates a unique map of the world, and each person’s map might prove insightful in its way if we have the patience to consider it. So, of course, you have a chance to make it true, but you need more time to prove it.

After done talk about a healthy mind, there’s a healthy way to hold a conspiracy theory too. It’s like playing with your pet. Pretend like the theory is your cute little puppy. If you grab it tightly, it won’t run. But you’re torturing your cute little puppy. Hold it loose…hey! not too loose. Open your fingers and simply allow the conspiracy theory to be a collection of ideas which may or may not be true, and you’ve got a wise way of looking at things that you can pick up without limiting your ability to take in and process information.

In a world that full of lies, in an environment that built from one propaganda to another propaganda, It’s normal to develop your own reality tunnels. But you only have two choices: learn to see through it or scuba diving into it and believe it. Sounds easy but hard to do of course. Do it wisely. What’s the point of being woke when you’re struggling to even breathe during this pandemic?



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Filled with void and fluent in silence.